Saturday, December 16, 2000

Well... I've had to stay up and study for the past few days... Sorry... But I am done... but now I am leaving school and will return in Januray. Hope everyone is doing fine and lovely... Happy Holidays, poor saps!

Wednesday, December 13, 2000

I told her I might not be in love with her. And she got pissed. She got pissed because she was right. Well, not in my book. I didn't say I wasn't in love with her. I said I might not be. Maybe I have yet to find true love and everything to this point was never love at all. But I do know this: Whatever it is I feel, its the strongest I've felt in a while. I can't describe it. Its there. And I know it is. Does she?
There's a lot of things involved between us. But, I can't ever say how much or what is there. There just aren't enough words...
good night all...
~Ricky

Tuesday, December 12, 2000

The past days have been racked with serious conversations... IMs, phone, face to face... I just came back from watching a movie with her and her roommate and a friend. I hold her and nothing bothers me. To say the word cuddle doesn't bother me. Am I whipped? no. I am falling. faster than before if I wasn't already there. And do i want to be careful and stop? No. I want to make the most of my time with her. She is going home in less than a week. I will be leaving as well. I will spend about a month and a whole lot of miles away from her. How can I do that when I can't stand to be one floor and a hallway from her now?

Monday, December 11, 2000

well, kiddies... I watched Empire Strikes Back with the girl. Well, that's not where it starts...
We talked today. We are on an even level. She keeps asking if we are... and I say yes. And do I mean it? Yup. I finally understand things, I guess... I hope, at least. Then, she asked me if I wanted to eat dinner with her roommate and a friend. i said yes. I ate with her instead of eating with my roommate and my suitemate and company. Am I a bad person? No. I just wanted to spend more time with her. I feel guilty about the way I have been treating her for the past few days. I've been an asshole. I won't lie. Any why? Because I am a stupid, love-struck boy who doesn't know how to treat a lady properly. I am still on the playground level.. you know? When you show you like a girl by rubbing her face in the dirt by the merry-go-round. Anyway, during dinner, it was brought up a point to watch a movie... which was narrowed down to ESB. I borrowed the movie from my bestest friend ever and brought it over... a few minutes late... okay... 15 minutes late. Yeah, I was keeping track of the time. i just wanted to get a rise out of her. And is that bad? Yes. But, I was curious...
Anyway, so we watched the movie. And she leaned on me. And I liked it. Does that mean I am falling in love with her again? No. because I still am. But if I wasn't, no. That just means I enjoy her company and like to hold her. And is that so wrong? I don't think so. And I don't care. She makes me happy. And I think i make her happy. And that's what I want really. I want someone I can be happy with and make them happy. And is that wrong?
Right now, i would say yeah...
Goodnight all...
~Peaceout...
Ricky